Thursday, December 17, 2009

Changing the monster within

Being a parent with a strong willed child is a frusterating experience. Not being able to go out to public places because your afraid of how your child is going to throw a fit is almost depressing. For all my parent friends who have strong willed kids, here are 5 ways to encourage more desired behavior
1.Praise.
Kids truly do seek to please their parents, with everything that is going on in this crazy hectic world, we sometimes forget how important it is to give praise when it is due. Make sure the praise is genuine, and avoid flat praise, what I mean about flat praise is be specific about the behavior you are pleased with.
Use: I really like the way you shared your toys with Sam
not: Thanks for being good
2.Ignore the trivial
I use to have a really hard time picking my battles with my kids. It seemed that every time they had a problem, no matter how small it was it had an amazing way of turning into something huge. I have learned that if they are not in the process of destroying something, harming themselves or others, let them be. When a fight breaks out over a toy, let them know how silly it is to be fighting over one particular toy while there are other toys to play with, and then walk away, let them work it out. The odds are in our favor that when they observe us not throwing a fuss over it, neither will they.
3.Use rewards
Many friends of mine (including myself) have fallen into the trap of giving their kids a toy when they have been well behaved. That may be fine for some, but could also lead to the child constantly expecting some physical reward a toy, a choice of candy. This leading to the gimme gimmeies. A better idea? How about kids choice?

If you could do one thing with Mommy, what would it be?
If you could take one friend to do something special what would you want to do?
If you could make something, what would it be?
Instead of rewarding them with something physical, help them build a memory.
4.Stop complaining.
No one likes to be around a constant complainer. One of my worst traits was constantly finding something not quite done to my satisfaction,
The rooms were clean, but the bookshelf was a mess
The floor was vaccumed, but someone forgot to move a chair
clothes were folded but not put up
it was the small things that kept me grumbling, some people think that constant nagging will lead to better results, studies have shown that the more you nag, the more it effects a childs self esteem, and kids with low self esteem seem to be the ones more prone to problems. Dont sweat the small things, and you and your kids will have a much better time in the company of others, as well as have a happier home in the end. I learned a lot from a book called 21 days to a happy child, things that really opened my eyes. For those of you that are like me, and feel bad about the way you would yell and scream at your kids like I did mine, there is relief, If your tired of waking up in the morning to the same routine, your nerves are as frazzled as mine and you have a genuine concern for your childs future, this book is for you, find 21 Days to A Happy child Click Here!

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